Suikology.

Assalamualaikum.

Dawn; and none is ever lost. Over great impossible lengths; vows itself everyday.

I thank you.

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Internet flings.

I’ve had a few since I first started mIRC when I was ten.

And there was even this one time I dumped a fine, warm-hearted lad who went by the nickname harry_james_potter.

Mine was hippogrif_buckbeak.

Yes I misspelled ‘Hippogriff’.

I was eleven.

He was dumped because he was not as physically charming as I thought he would be.

Perhaps my arseholiness starts to give away around then.

Oh how I regret doing so.

Because what goes around comes around.

Finally, I have paid for that.

—————

Let’s name this person Doppelgänger.

Doppelgänger heard me screaming my head off over the net.

And somehow the gremlin-magic effect worked on Doppelgänger.

So Doppelgänger tried to send a carrier pigeon, no wait, eagle, and was expecting no reply because Doppelgänger assumed I am busy dealing with life.

Oh how wrong Doppelgänger was.

We kept on sending carrier eagles since then.

Doppelgänger kept on being closer to what I am.

And what I expected him to be.

Thus the Doppelgängery.

We kept on sending carrier eagles since then.

And I still couldn’t believe till now, for that was the second time I followed the instructions of whatever I have wrote.

I became a damsel in much distress.

I brought my ego down.

To the point of non-existent.

And I was either semi-declined or declined extremely delicately.

That was how good Doppelgänger is at words.

How Doppelgänger is, according to my words, a genius cocain-addict and I am, according to his words, a cool imaginary friend.

And in between that all.

I felt like a douchebag.

Because I got the toy I wanted.

And as always I want to shove it into the closet.

But after some time, a birdie told me Doppelgänger felt the same douchebaggery way too.

We can’t help it.

We’re each other’s Doppelgänger.

What worse is, when I thought Doppelgänger was hanging on to my pinkie(because of the semi-declining debacle), my eyes was eating up real candies, and my feeling mushy.

While holding the non-existent pinkie tight.

Sometimes I forgot my pinkie is hooking up with a fragment of my imagination.

But most of the time I didn’t.

But still.

I felt the need to give and to not give the shrunken ego period an end.

Because I instead became, and always have been the one hanging.

And finally.

After forcing the story of Doppelgänger’s whereabouts out of said birdie.

And the friend told the blatant truth in the most, delicate way possible.

Which cannot be made up on its own from scratch because the tale was long.

I don’t shait you, it really was a tale.

I felt calm.

I feel calm.

Despite this ridiculously whiny post, I feel calm.

I don’t want to dig his eyeballs out, nor kill him.

Which is strange.

Because despite my hurting myself, I usually hold up my finger towards anyone else.

Be it the fore or the middle.

I think my ego has grown back to its supposed normal size.

Normal, just like everyone elses’.

But I realised I went up higher than where I should be standing.

My conscience is trying to make myself harder to reach.

I kind of thank him for that.

Albeit it is surprising something as little and time-wasting as a fling can affect my judgement that much.

.

Well, all’s well that ends well.