Recent events involving the government-body-sponsored student who was thrown into some jail in some European country for owning some huge numbers of child pornography has shed some light regarding paedophilia. At least my views of it. My views don’t matter wan, don’t read la.
But it’s my blog so suka hati aku la.
It’s hard to see the bad perspective of things, because imma be real wichu; like Robin Hood, different perspectives, different point of views. There’s no one definite nor absolute view towards any situation or behaviour, because it all boils down to past cirmcumstances leading up to the main event. Which made me put heterosexuals, homosexuals, psychopaths, paedophiles etc all in one box; a box that writes ‘They Were Frigging Born With It’. So basically there isn’t any box because everyone’s in it. Or is there? Ok moving on before you bash me about grouping everyone with child sex offenders and mass murderers.
Psychopaths, like real ones who feel zero remorse nor any sort of emotions forever and ever(unlike Dexter who fell in love), have the behaviour in their genes. Some prolly have been controlling it as much as they can, some let go and have killing sprees like Charles Manson or that American Sniper guy(the actual guy, not Bradley Cooper).
(I had a Criminal Minds marathon some time ago, and it changed my perspective towards murderers; we might even have done the same thing given the circumstances, or if we were born a socio/psychopaths which have no moral compass, commiting homicide or not commiting it won’t make much of a difference)
Being homosexual applies the same concept; you were not made into liking the same gender, you were born with said orientation. So does paedophilic behavoir. My view towards this one changed after watching Nymphomaniac(all five hours of it. Of course, I was highly curious of the movie that made the media-speculated-crazy Shia LaBeouf wanted to act in. Also, I was bored). In the movie, there’s this one particular scene when the protagonist(whateverhernamewas), a nymphomaniac-slash-mobster at that time in her life, was interrogating a borrower(?) to pay up. She tortured her prey in the easiest way possible; by telling explicitly sexual stories after unzipping his pants and unsheathing his, um, thing(that guy was tied to a chair, also, got mobster pak gads kat tepi la of kos). Stories after stories told; normal stuff, explixit stuff, BDSM, lesbian ones gay ones transgender ones, everything. But none of them aroused him. Until she finally got to a story that involved a child. And, well, basically she got her money afterwards.
She narrated afterwards that even he himself didn’t know he was a paedophile. Just like her, a nymphomaniac, they are both shunned by society, going through life feeling alone because unlike normal people who can make love with whomever they please, the paedophiles and nymphomaniacs can’t.
While LGBT members have the freedom to be open with their orientation nowadays(I have no problem with that; in fact I’ve been quite vocal about the discrimination that goes towards it), one just have to ask; should paedophiles, like psychopaths, for the sake of peace within the society, hold back their nature?
These are merely my inquiries regarding a psychological behaviour; nothing more that priding offenders whatsoever. But again, it comes back to the genes-or-circumstances situation.
Been looping Kendrick Lamar’s To Pimp A Butterfly for two, three days straight now(since I got the album, two, three days back). Watching his MTV commentary of him breaking down a few songs in the album somehow made me question my stance on writing; am I doing this because I have to or because someone expects me to?
I’ve churned many a writings through emotions the past few years; since I started, actually. But lately, or to be exact, since the moment I realise it gets easier to write stuff, strangely enough, it’s getting harder to write stuff. Let me explain.
Ever had that moment, when you’ve been doing the same thing all your life, and people ask you how you do it, and you tell them how you do it, but the next morning or the next week, you try doing the same thing, but it doesn’t feel the same way? It’s like a jinx happening, just y telling people your sacred natural process. Hence, the oxymoron statement I had earlier.
Lately I’m doing some copywriting. The materials involved were based on biblical events in the Quran(specifically, prophets), and philosophical understanding of God’s many attributes(specifically, His names). While I delved into it with an empty mind eagerly expecting many challenges to come, I am now at the point where I feel too empty to go further. I used to manage to write ten scripts(of 2-minute narration) within six hours, including research and crafting scientific correlations with the philosophical meanings, but now, even writing one script takes me a week to get to. The worst part, is failing at my best; writing lyrics.
Going back to Kendrick’s MTV album narration, he was telling stories about how he dealt(and still dealing) with fame whilst keeping true to his roots; a troubled neighbourhood called Compton. Every lyrics in each song carries weight of emotions; not just a song written for the sake of an album, but for the sake of telling the stories that needs to be told. One time he would be on tour, the next minute he would go back to his hometown, going to a funeral of his murdered close friend. And despite the fame, he still manages to retain his sanity of balancing a famed front and keeping ties with his disturbing background.
Which made me ask myself; why am I doing this commercial lyric writing project? I don’t feel strongly about the topic I’m writing, yet why do I do it? It’s different from writing a script. The script was easier because I would get thrilled with child-like wonder, just sifting through scientific theories that best describe the God’s trait I’m writing about. There’s excitement in that. But writing lyrics on the other hand, I have to connect sentences with the melodies given, which aren’t even mine. And the melodies just doesn’t strike a chord in my soul as easily as it used to. Because it feels fabricated; the lyrics I’m writing will be sung by some famous singer, and I doubt he/she feels the same way as I do regarding this topic. Even I don’t feel anything upon researching about the topic given. So it becomes detached from my emotions the the moment the lyrics are being written, and even more so the second they are finished(because I rarely revisit things that have been completed).
it’s like lying to myself, writing commercially. But the only way to get out of this without feeling guilty of writing for money, is to utilise the opportunity given.
‘Look on the bright side, your lyrics will be heard by many people, because artist A will be singing it, and it will get high rotation on radio!’
A friend once said that the entertainment industry is the only thing that isn’t tainted by politics(minus the ones inside organisations; we’re talking about parties here, and by that I don’t mean the ones at nightclubs, duh).
To some extent(or rather, most), his words hold true. ‘Hold true’ is that like a real phrase I dunno I just used it to sound smart.
The difference between politicians and celebrities are, people actually give a fart about what celebrities wear, apatah lagi segala apa yang keluar daripada mulut diorang. Even the simplest of comments would be made sensational, because, well, you’re a public figure and you’re supposed to watch what you say because you’re practically perfect and your words apparently affects people’s judgments and by people I mean the ‘ignorant, lalang, unwise youth’.
Famed public figures have a strong hold of society and its inhabitants, true dat. And it is indeed scary how most of them still preach about momentary life experiences. Songs hollering short-lived moments of falling in love, falling out of love, brink of breaking apart, blabla. Not straying far from the topic of love since the last few decades(norm for any pop song for the past decade, really, until Lorde came). Dramas showcasing one-dimensional, patriarchal, and weak women. Newspapers headlining Celebrity A kissing wife in public and apparently has made many a weak, religious men and women jizz and squirt everywhere and want to have intercourse with every moving creature in sight.
All these sensational bulltahi, boils down to one thing and one thing only; public figures are told to be and shown as perfect human beings. Epitome of ethical advancement. The symbol for societal pride.
It’s scary how public figures(retis ke twtfemes ke instafemes ke sukati la), usually parades perfection due to the reason above(or were told to do so by their seniors and superiors), and the people who observes/chance upon them often(let’s call them ‘followers’) believe that the perfection showcased is for them to enjoy, because public figure practically means society claiming, ‘You’re ours, biatch’, when most of the time, it’s just the said figures(let’s call them ‘idols’) trying to give themselves some sort of boost in self-confidence. Though you cannot argue the fact that most people do it for the likes, favs, revines, whathaveyou.
It’s scarier to think that due to this mindset of giving approval of said idol’s ‘perfection'(let’s call this, ‘likes’ or ‘double taps’), the followers/masses think they need to be ‘perfect’ as well in order to garner as much attention as their idols. I mean, how many of us are infatuated by the looks of their idols, more than they do their artistic works? How many would listen or watch something their idols have been working so hard on, just to see their face, and not the beauty of their sweat and blood? How many idols have been overshadowed by their physique more than their masterpiece, due to that cruelly shallow mindset?
Of course, pros and cons. But it’s hard to see past the cons when all you see nowadays are idols, and not crafters. Nicely packaged idols get more attention, not brilliant crafters. Nicely donned idols get more opportunities, not tatty-looking crafters. While they both can be of a same person, it’s tough when the society has set in stones what the media set for them to believe in; your idols are grace and perfection. It’s tougher still to change the mindset.
Just feel like writing when I was actually bogged down by fatigue two hours ago.
(Surfing the interwebs does that to you)
Had a conversation(more like getting some prep talk) with a person of the music industry, and he told me this;
‘You can be yourself, you should, in fact, but you’re living with other people, so like it or not you have to compromise. Don’t voice out too much of your negative opinion in your tweets or whatever.’
(Or something like that; my brain is technically a Telefon Rosak game)
I was listening half-arsedly because the things he said is something I already know but refuse to follow because my neurons can barely adapt to absorbing life, let alone dealing with people, but in a way it gave me a wake-up call(mainly because he’s my boss-to-be).
Which reminded me of Yuna way back when she had junajournal.blogspot.com.
It’s hard to keep your critical opinion to yourself sometimes. As a late-bloomer of the rebellious teen era, I can’t help but wanting to be rebellious(read : emotionally ignorant of other’s feelings and down-right blatant) and socially accepted(by that I mean more likes, more retweets, comments saying ‘I totes agree wit u’), both on social media and real life at the most inopportune times.
Well, all the time, really.
But I guess that’s why I started vomiting lyrics in crappy melodies in the first place.
It’s my refusal of speaking straight so that the party involved wouldn’t notice I’m condemning them while sanctioning the masquerading of self-proclaimed provocative thoughts into lousy music that I was absolutely certain no one wants to hear ever again.
So to be straight, and I am by the way, I condemn people all the time.
Now that I’ve put that pen of thought down on this electronic visual paper, it really hit me how much of a pessimistic I am all these while.
Even towards myself.
Especially towards myself.
While toying with the idea of talking trash about people being something legitimately fun, almost as if he read my thoughts, he said,
‘You won’t get anything out of it anyway. Buat tambah dosa je. Kena kat orang lain; kena kat diri sendiri, kan.‘
It took me quite a while(two hours is a while) to digest what he just burdened me with(I guess that’s where the fatigue came from).
And then I remembered a headline or some article I came across some time ago.
An Iranian film won an Oscar for Best Foreign Language Film.
And their rules are most probably way stricter than our Lembaga Perfileman Malaysia’s.
So it’s not about conforming to the norm(which will be massacred by me eventually); it’s about treading murky and calm water in a camouflage of neatly-groomed-and-waterproof criticism and condemnation.
Well, well; more rules, more room for creativity.
And I still think both sides are acting like little kids.
Abolish tolls? Ok. Maintenance?
Minyak murah dan kereta murah? Ok. Traffic jam?
Free wifi? Ok. Coverage?
Free tertiary education? Ok. Wei kau ingat mesin-mesin kat engineering/science/medical department murah ke?
Over time, to cover all that, the tax WILL rise.
Unless you don’t mind paying higher tax lah kan.
Manifesto repair jalan, kelengkapan prasarana di sekolah rendah dan menengah(by prasarana I mean enough instruments and material for labwork in pairs instead of in groups of four or more, better literary and fine art material, complete sets of sport equipment etc) dan unlimited speedy wifi for a (low) fee are more legitimate than what you put on your billboard.
Bak kata omputih, ‘Nothing is free in this world.’
Rasa cam nak pang pun ada gak.
After seeing way too many Google pictures of Femen and reading a few articles about them, I get really confused.
Free women from what?
Might be because I’m an Asian, too conservative.
And I am certain it has nothing to do with my faith.
Maybe a bit, God knows.
It’s like America vs Osama/Saddam all over again.
i still don’t know what my stand on this.
Like, should an outside power invade a troubled country and make a mess in it?
It’s like :
A bunch of people of some country imposing their traditional clothing on people of other countries.
Exactly. It has been done. Remember suits and dresses?
I wear baju kurung sometimes.
I wear pants most of the time.
I wear jubah on occasions.
I get naked in the shower.
If they want to live their lives without clothes every single day, for every minute of the day, then it’s their decision.
If I feel like you’re an inspiration and get the ‘hey, why not’ moment, then I might just do that.
But as of now, stop forcing us comfortably-clothed women to get naked.
Plus, I prefer having variety of clothes to choose from.
Air bubble in syringe IS a big deal. It can get into your veins, and change the circulatory pressure, and CAUSE SUDDEN DEATH DAMMIT